Henry's Songbook

Ah'm The Man That Muffed It

• Nancy Nicolson

Ah'm the man that muffed it, ah'm the man that boobed
Ah'm the man that lost the radio active tube
So ah'll ask ma process workers to tell me whaur it's gane
For if it took a dander surely it was seen

Wullie the crofter could it be you
No it wisnae one ah took ... ah took two
One has pinned ma gate shut, the other's in the park
Its grand fine glow takes me safely through the dark

Angie the fisherman tell the truth tae me
No it wisnae one ah took ... ah took three
One is on my nets, it makes a damn fine float
The other two's a microwave oven in ma boat

Wha's that sneakin' out an' through the door
It's Hector the whisky maker ... ah took four
Ah run ma barley bree through a tubie tae distil
Ah sell the malt tae ye boys, that's how ye get yer fill

In nuclear Caithness atoms are good news
They brought the jobs an' money we'd be stupid tae refuse
So now we've nuclear fish, fine atomic coos
Plutonium-coatie people an' radioactive booze

Last chorus:
Ah'm the man that muffed it ah'm the chiel that boobed
Ah wonder will they find the radioactive tube
But there's no' goin' tae be a search or any big to-do
For the storeman says he lost all the Geiger counters too

(as sung by The McCalmans)

Susannes Folksong-Notizen

•   [1990:] In an information booklet, the UKAEA defines M.U.F., Material Unaccounted For, on a nuclear site. I apply the context of the crofter-fishermen of Caithness, renowned for their ingenuity, who work at the Dounreay Nuclear Establishment. (Nancy Nicolson, notes McCalmans, 'Flames On the Water')

•   [1998:] The Dounreay nuclear research plant was axed because its appalling safety record was threatening the future of other nuclear installations, including the Sellafield and Thorp reprocessing plants. [...] Ministers vigorously deny that safety lapses were behind Friday's shock decision to decommission the Caithness plant, but senior figures in the nuclear industry have confirmed that Dounreay's continuing failure to put its house in order was causing concern. [...] Recent safety scares - including revelations that managers tried to cover up a catastrophic power failure and that more than 170kg of weapons grade uranium had been 'lost' - prompted formal complaints. One senior official said yesterday: 'We have been worried for some time but in the past six months Dounreay has become a downright liability. We have power stations and reprocessing plants chugging away perfectly safely, but their image and chances of winning important business were being tarnished by the poor judgment and, frankly, incompetence of Dounreay.' [...]
  
  Despite the bold move, Tony Blair faced further criticism yesterday. Having only recently described Dounreay as the safest place for the processing of a controversial shipment of nuclear waste from Georgia, he was accused of performing an embarrassing U-turn. Union leaders claim the plant's closure would cost hundreds of jobs in one of the most remote areas of Britain. [...] 'It will devastate the workforce and hinder the disposal of high-level waste in existence today.' (John Arlidge, Observer, 7 June)