(Shel Silverstein)
Chorus:
I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased round the country by a one-legged fool
He's jumpin', he's hoppin' and he shows no sign of stoppin'
I tell you boys, life is hard and cruel
Friends I must confess it for I know you'll never guess it
I just met the sweetest woman in my long and lonesome life
But a friend said to me, Iain I can't believe what I'm seein'
Don't you know the girl you're fooling with is Pegleg Johnson's wife
And the man is big and mad and mean and grim
And he'll brain you with his artificial limb
But you know next morning early I stole Pegleg's girlie
And I took his wooden leg as well just to play it safe
But there was no time for laughter 'cause he started hoppin' after
Though I keep running faster he just won't give up the chase
And now I'm running through the mountains with his bride
And I've got his wooden leg here by my side
From the mountains of Montana to the swamps of Louisiana
'Cross the mighty Mississippi to the hills of Carolin'
From the mountains and the valleys to the city streets and alleys
Each time I look round he's just one foot behind
And I know he's cold and wet and damp and sick
And in spite of all his troubles he can't kick
Now at nights as I lie sleeping in my dreams I see him creeping
And I hear him scream and holler and I hear him plead and beg
He says, Iain you've done some stealin' but I bear you no hard feelings
You can keep the damned old woman but give me back my leg
In the dark I know you thought you took the wood one
But examine it you'll find it's my good one
(as sung by Iain MacKintosh)