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The Song Of The Pineapple Rag

  • (Scott Joplin / Bob Blue / ad. Iain C. MacKintosh)

    This is the story of the Pineapple Rag
    Listen, and take the point well

    Well, see, there once was a man who had a bucket of rags
    He used a new rag for everything he cleaned
    For example there were juice rags and milk rags
    Ketchup rags and coca rags
    And rags just for nectarines that he'd stepped on
    There were pear rags and apple rags and apricot rags
    And plum rags and rags for cleaning ale that had bubbled over
    Tea rags and beer rags, cocoa rags and cola rags
    And rags filled up his pail

    Then one day he made some Pina coladas for a couple of friends
    And as he made them, the front-door buzzer rang
    So he ran to get it, knocking a can from off of the shelf
    And he subsequently heard a bang
    So he looked around and saw that the pineapples were all on the floor
    He picked them up and put them in the drink
    Who would notice but the juice on the floor would be a tell-tale sign
    So he took a rag from the sink

    Never noticing that it was the rag he used for custard
    He didn't look, he was too flustered
    It could have been for mince or mustard
    As long as it cleaned the floor
    He just used it 'cos he didn't have time for careful screening
    No time to probe a deeper meaning
    It was a good rag, it did the cleaning
    He opened up his door

    And his friends came in and sat down and talked and ate a lotta
    Peanuts and drank their Pina Coladas
    Then he put on a Bach Toccata
    Just so this part could rhyme
    As the time went on they all sat around while calmly nursing
    Pina Coladas and conversing
    Smiles on the face of every person
    They were having a wonderful time

    Then he noticed that something was bugging him, he didn't know what
    It was a feeling that something wasn't right
    Could it be that he had left on the stove - oh no, he knew it wasn't that
    'Cause he hadn't cooked that night
    But he went into the kitchen and noticed the thing he had done
    He'd used the custard rag inadvertently
    But he wasn't shaken, he told himself
    This rag can be for pineapples and no one will know it but me

    Now I know that you are asking yourself what is the point of this song
    Perhaps I think it's time that I explained
    Just a few more lines and then you will see I'm not just being frivolous
    My meaning will become quite plain
    See every song I sing always has a message that is deep and sincere
    And sometimes that can just become a drag
    So I took a break and sang you a song that says absolutely nothing
    I sang you the Pineapple Rag

    If you're waiting for the message, I'm sorry
    You'll be disappointed
    That's the end of the Pineapple Rag

    (as sung by Iain MacKintosh)

    Tune: Pineapple Rag

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