Henry's Songbook

This is the story of the Pineapple Rag
Listen, and take the point well

Well, see, there once was a man who had a bucket of rags
He used a new rag for everything he cleaned
For example there were juice rags and milk rags
Ketchup rags and coca rags
And rags just for nectarines that he'd stepped on
There were pear rags and apple rags and apricot rags
And plum rags and rags for cleaning ale that had bubbled over
Tea rags and beer rags, cocoa rags and cola rags
And rags filled up his pail

Then one day he made some Pina coladas for a couple of friends
And as he made them, the front-door buzzer rang
So he ran to get it, knocking a can from off of the shelf
And he subsequently heard a bang
So he looked around and saw that the pineapples were all on the floor
He picked them up and put them in the drink
Who would notice but the juice on the floor would be a tell-tale sign
So he took a rag from the sink

Never noticing that it was the rag he used for custard
He didn't look, he was too flustered
It could have been for mince or mustard
As long as it cleaned the floor
He just used it 'cos he didn't have time for careful screening
No time to probe a deeper meaning
It was a good rag, it did the cleaning
He opened up his door

And his friends came in and sat down and talked and ate a lotta
Peanuts and drank their Pina Coladas
Then he put on a Bach Toccata
Just so this part could rhyme
As the time went on they all sat around while calmly nursing
Pina Coladas and conversing
Smiles on the face of every person
They were having a wonderful time

Then he noticed that something was bugging him, he didn't know what
It was a feeling that something wasn't right
Could it be that he had left on the stove - oh no, he knew it wasn't that
'Cause he hadn't cooked that night
But he went into the kitchen and noticed the thing he had done
He'd used the custard rag inadvertently
But he wasn't shaken, he told himself
This rag can be for pineapples and no one will know it but me

Now I know that you are asking yourself what is the point of this song
Perhaps I think it's time that I explained
Just a few more lines and then you will see I'm not just being frivolous
My meaning will become quite plain
See every song I sing always has a message that is deep and sincere
And sometimes that can just become a drag
So I took a break and sang you a song that says absolutely nothing
I sang you the Pineapple Rag

If you're waiting for the message, I'm sorry
You'll be disappointed
That's the end of the Pineapple Rag

(as sung by Iain MacKintosh)

Tune: Pineapple Rag