Henry's Songbook

Chorus:
Oh they're baggin' 'em in Berehaven, Kilbrittain and Kinsale
The Fivemile and Belgooly, the story's much the same
No matter where you come from, no matter who you are
If you're a man who likes his porter beware of the Bandon car

Come all you lads and lassies and listen to my sad tale
And I'll tellto you what happened to me one night down in Kinsale
It being the summer season I found myself a job
Singing ballads in a bar to make a couple of bob
I was doing a bit of a stint, me boys, down in the Folk House bar
Little did I know in town that night was the dreaded Bandon car

And when the gig was over and me gear all packed away
Says I, I'll have one for the road then I'll leave without delay
But alas! that was the one I fear that caused me my downfall
How was I to know me fate, sure I didn't have a clue at all
When I had donned me cap and coat and drank down my last jar
And the barman's final comment was, Watch out for the Bandon car

I was just about to leave for home when much to my dismay
A Garda car with flashing lights came up and barred me way
Says he, Have you drink taken - says I, A small amount
Says he, Would that be five or six - says I, Garda, I never count
He made me blow into the bag saying, Tonight you've gone too far
And to the station I was taken in the back of the Bandon car

The doctor he was sent for, looking tired and distressed
Through bleary eyes he asked me would I mind a urine test
Says I, I like things private when I answers nature's call
But that request was soon shot down, I had to bare it all
Oh what a terrible indignation to take the thing so far
And I wished that they could go to hell along with th' oul' Bandon car

Now I've been law-abidin' since the day that I was born
But this terrible legislation, sure I view it now with scorn
There's trickies and there's hooflers who break laws every day
But they can't be caught easily and they gets clean away
I've tried every means I know to avoid the social scar
But there is no way you'll get fair play from the boys in the Bandon car

(as sung by Jimmy Crowley)

[1998:] The best songs are born out of frustration and this is a classic example. I have heard people in West Cork say that they'd rather face a platoon of Black and Tans or the Headless Coach than the dreaded Bandon squadcar, which, like the Banshee herself, has acquired the secret of bi-location. (Jimmy Crowley, notes 'Uncorked!')